About Tim Desmond

Tim Desmond has helped thousands of people let go of negative patterns, improve their relationships and feel better about themselves through his writings and phone counseling. He brings a unique perspective having been influenced by Constructivism, Buddhist Psychology and Nonviolent Communication.

How Does Change Happen?

In order to change anything, we need to understand it. Most people enter therapy because there is something about them that they want to change. It can be depression, anxiety, relationship patterns or any other reason. The first step in therapy is defining the goal or goals as clearly as possible. Questions such as “How would you like your life to be different than it is?” can help in this phase.

Once the goal has been clearly defined, the next step is trying to understand the problem. While some people know a great deal about their problem entering therapy, there is always some missing piece that has kept them from understanding it well enough to make the change. At this point, it becomes important for the problem to be engaged in order to learn more about it. A common way to do this is to visualize a scene that would trigger the problem and to make it real enough that the body responds.

The reason this is so important has to do with the way information is stored in the brain. For example, if you try to answer the question, “How do you hold your thumb when you brush your teeth?” you would need to either imagine yourself brushing or pretend to grip a toothbrush. If you don’t imagine it, then all you can do is guess. It is the same for emotional information. In order to access information you don’t already know about an emotional problem, it is necessary to bring up the problem so you are actively experiencing it. Only then is all of the important information available.

Working in this way allows us to quickly learn more about the problem than would be possible by just talking about it. Once the problem is properly understood, it becomes clear how to make the change.

I have found working over the phone can be both effective and convenient for people.

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